too bad you live with your parents still
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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