you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
