Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize