Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
