Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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