Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
