She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
