The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
