I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
