brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
