I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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