Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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