Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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