you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
