She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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