The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
