So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
