i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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