Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
