i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize