In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
