shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize