You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
