when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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