seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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