I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
