if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
