I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
