reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
