How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
