he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
