Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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