im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
