I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize