ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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