i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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