How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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