Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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