I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
