No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize