Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
