I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
