I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This house was built for laser tag.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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