So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
