Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
