Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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