Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This baby is an asshole
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
