Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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