the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
