I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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