you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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