I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
