oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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