Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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