We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
