Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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