I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
