sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
