so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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