1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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