OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
