I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
