my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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