He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
