they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
