apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
