Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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