her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
