oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish you could order shots online.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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