Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
