i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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