I just saw a hot homeless man
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
