maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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