Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize