To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
