worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize