Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So vagazzling was a success
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
