You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
