He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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