The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
