What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
