Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she smelled like a LAN party
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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