i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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