Dude my mom stole all your condoms
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
