What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
