WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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