Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
