So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
