yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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