Define "chronic" masturbator.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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