I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
