Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize