The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
