you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
