How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
