he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
